Ps to anyone to reads this blog post: This blog post is not the best. I have written way better but this blog post was my just my brain wanting to get everything out without forgetting anything. Enjoy the mess :).
Self-love is a struggle. It’s one of those things that you loved so much one day and the next you lost all the love and you now struggling how to learn to love it again. Some day you believe that you finally loved yourself. Other days you look in the mirror and think “When did I get that pimple or have I always been this ugly”. I think at least once in our life those words have come out of our mouths.
As kids, we didn’t care how our bodies looked. We didn’t try to compare our bodies to others maybe we compared toys but that was about it. I mean unless you got bullied then maybe but we all loved ourselves.
However one day it kinda stopped. We were saying very gross things to ourselves and well the love turned to hate and from then on we started judging ourselves more than other people judging us. Maybe it was the mind trying to destroy itself. It’s trying to set off some sort of bomb. I have learned over the years that your mind will be the biggest hater/enemy you’ll ever meet. Unless you manage to contain the beast and no more bomb in your brain.
Growing up I didn’t really care about how I looked until middle school came around and I said a lot of gross things to myself. I hated how my body looked. I hated how my face looked and most of all well I just hated everything about myself and plus I was in extremely bad depression so I wasn’t in a good mindset back then.
As years went on and I got into high school the self-hate kinda stopped and I didn’t love myself but at the same time, I didn’t hate myself. There were times where I thought I was very cute than other times where I thought I was very ugly. By high school, I was more on social media which meant I had the whole Kardashian Jenner circling my feed and we all know how good they look. Of course with that came more perfect people with perfect bodies and well self-hate came back.
It was like they were fighting each other. I wanted to love myself but I also wanted to hate myself. As you can see my mind was and still is a huge mess.
It seems that as the years go on and social media becomes bigger the more toxic everything is. Like people hated if a girls were too “Skinny” they also hated if a girl was too “Thick or fat”. It was like you can’t please social media because for some reason there is only one body type allowed. Do I know what body type that is I’m still trying to figure that out?
Tik Tok came along and women started showing off their bodies but not in a sexual matter or a strange way. They were showing off their stomachs like “hey yeah my stomach looks like that in photos but that’s just me sucking up my stomach”. I think those videos helped me and a lot of other women out there with our self-hate.
Although social media is toxic and hates everyone’s bodies a lot of women and even guys are showing that it’s ok to have this body type is ok if you look like this you’re still healthy. There a lot of more positive talk going around which is great because people need to hear it.
After years like I have said a million times in this blog post. I am learning to love myself. I do love myself more than I ever did before but it took a while and well getting rid of all the toxic friendships in my life. From day to day I still look in the mirror and think ew. Maybe that is just the depression talking I don’t really know. In the end, self-love is hard but once you understand yourself and truly manage to love yourself that’s when the self-hate and all the doubt will be further away.
I said this in a tweet and I will share it here.
“Self-love even means telling yourself you love yourself even when you hate yourself”.