Being depressed causes you to be unproductive and being unproductive makes you depressed and it’s a hell of a cycle. 

That was the post I read on Instagram. It was a tad bit longer but that was the point of the post. When I read that I just thought to myself “Yup this is me this is literally me”. I shared it on my instagram story but I just keep thinking about it and said f it let’s write a blog post about it. 

I have talked about it a hundred times and it’s the fact that depression sucks and that depression ties you up and has full control and honestly, it sounded way better in my head than in writing but you get the point… At least I hope you do. 

When a depression episode kicks in it takes the fun away and all the plans that you did have in mind well they are all down the drain and you end up binge-watching your favourite show or something around that. 

Now what it comes to me I am a person who does everything the night before when it comes to writing in my planner. So I write that I need to post videos on Tik Tok and Instagram and that I need to write a blog post etc. So when I write then the day before I have no idea how I will feel when I wake up unless I feel it coming the night before but even then. 

Now I must admit I am someone who overworks myself and wants to get all this stuff done which ends with me being burnout and well sometimes depressed. It’s like something in my brain saying if I don’t get this done then am I really chasing my dreams or am I even trying and then the whole thought of failing comes to mind and it’s a mess that would bore everyone. 

But when I have that big list and then all of a sudden I got into this depression episode I go from doing all ten things on my list to doing barely one or two and end up gaming or binging friends and by the end of the night when I look at the stuff I had to do and either got well 2 ish things are done or nothing at all I just feel worse than before and maybe even a little bit mad at myself.

My brain wants to achieve all these goals and all these tasks and my depression wants me to do the same all while dealing with world war three in my head.  It’s like I can’t do stuff because my brain is so worried and so sad and then when I find out I didn’t do anything at all my brain is mad and disappointed and it is a true cycle of hell. 

It’s truly confusing how the brain works and why it’s so damn mean to itself. Buts that depression and I always say it and I will say it again. It sucks.

But what I learned is sometimes you have to step back and just breathe. Just take a break and realize that it’s not your fault that you are depressed or that you are not doing enough. Your brain will be mad that you didn’t do enough and that you should have done more and been more productive. But when the day comes to an end and you realize that you were unproductive and barely got stuff done understand it and just know you tried your best.

And as I always say