As a child, we believe. The world is as bright it can be. The love from people is endless. Even the child who is abused and hated on somehow they still feel the love and see the bright sky above them as to how they do it is beyond me. We believe Santa we believe the tooth fairy the easter bunny. As a child, there’s no such thing as depression maybe a little worry but the worry is Santa clause is going to drop off presents or not. 

As we get older the less we believe. The less light there is in the sky. The less love we feel from people. Santa is no longer real nor is the tooth fairy the easter bunny. As we get older the depression and the worry sets in. The worry for graduation and getting good grades and most of all the worry for the future. 

I talked about the dreams we have as children and the dream we have as an adult. Those dreams change or they stay the same. But when the age comes when we have to start chasing. We have no idea what the fuck we are doing. Now lawyers or doctors. They might they know what college they want to go to and what part of the job they wanna do. 

But even then you can plan out this whole future but god knows it actually goes by the plan. I think covid taught us that. I remember my plan was right after high school I would give myself two months to myself before applying for jobs and writing a book so on and so forth. But yet covid punched me in the face and scrambled the whole plan. 

We can set out what we wanna do at what age what year and how long it will take. We hope we believe that our plan will work out. But we have no idea what the future holds. We have no idea what will happen. If it will be good or bad. We have no idea and that’s what’s scary. 

Hell, it’s terrifying. 

We so badly want our dreams to come true. We are all so happy and excited for what’s to come. I want to be a screenwriter/ director and to one day have a show and the thought of doing that one day gives me hope and not to give up. But although I am happy and believe I’m also dying on the inside. I said this a couple of times and it’s the fact that our future is this blank canvas. We kinda just stare at it waiting for it to be painted. Waiting for ourselves to think of something to paint. 

What we believe what we hope what we dream all goes into that painting. It’s not pretty either. It’s not some art that can be sold for millions. It looks more like a three-year-old painted the canvas. 

I guess what I’m writing is that we all know where we wanna go. We all know our destination we just don’t know what route to take. 

That’s what’s terrifying.