Depression

Everyone has heard of it. Some people or maybe all have experienced it once in their life or are still dealing with it and it’s been years. This means we know that depression is horrible and can be a huge kick in the butt. Some people don’t have it as bad some people have it really bad. Some need meds some don’t. 

Depression is something no one expects. It just kinda crawls on to you and it’s like “Woah slow down”. It destroys your world, your mind, your own self. It just takes over you and stopping it or even slowing it down is difficult. However, as the years go on more people are struggling with it. 

This brings me to middle school. Before middle school, I was the happy loud child that didn’t care about anything didn’t care what people thought about me I just did it. Like I said I was a happy child. In grade six everything started to change, and people didn’t really like me, but I was still ok I still didn’t really care about people’s thoughts or drama. 

Then things got really bad during grade 7. I was really sad for weeks on end. Didn’t even want to get out of bed, didn’t want to talk to people and I just wanted to be alone. I didn’t know what it was for a while I just thought puberty was just doing all that fun stuff. I mean puberty probably had a percentage on how I was feeling, But I didn’t understand what was wrong with me and at the time I never shared with my parents, So I was pretty much alone with barely any friends and my whole class hating and talking crap about me. 

It was bad. I would say it was the worst year of my life. Grade eight was still bad maybe even worse. I hated my life. I was all alone. It was a very quiet world for me a very very quiet world. Over time I got used to it and depression was my friend in a way. Yes, it sounds very sad cause it is. It’s a very sad thing that actually makes me laugh a little. The last year just sucked and I prayed every day that the year would go by fast and I would get out of the “Hell Hole”.

I finally graduated and then went to high school and I was scared. I did not want to go because I was scared it was gonna be like middle school all over again and to be honest, I don’t think my mental health would have been able to handle another four years of it. Somehow I ended up meeting people and people actually liked me and weren’t talking crap about me. 

But I’m gonna skip the next four years of high school as my life story would be long boring and filled with stupid people. So the overall of my four years of high school was better than middle school. However, I still had depression no matter how perfect my life was depression was weighing me down. I would say it was harder dealing with depression in high school than it was in middle school due to the fact that high school is important and you can fail and be held back and I definitely was not gonna be that person. So it was hard having to deal with it while doing four exams and stupid teachers plus stupid drama it was just a mess. 

There would be times where I would stay home and not go to school not wanting to deal with any pressure or drama. I know my friends who have had it worse than I. They would stay home for days upon days in a dark room wondering why they’re on earth. Our group was a mess with depression we all tried helping each other but sooner or later we were all trying to help ourselves before it was too late. 

Depression is something no one wants to deal with. The things that make you happy no longer make you smile. The energy you used to have is no longer there. Even getting up to brush your teeth is a struggle. Especially when you feel alone and sometimes have no one to talk to. Depression is dark. Depression can and will take over you. Depression is depression and pardon my manners but it’s one big asshole. If it were a person, you would just want to kick them in the nuts and hope they feel as much pain as they caused you all those years.

However, there was one thing that I heard that changed my thought on depression and staying home. “When you’re depressed get out of bed and get ready, Go to school, Go to work just get out of your house”. I thought about what he said and he was right. The times I stayed home because of my depression just made things worse and my mind would go into a darker place than it already was. Going to school distracted my mind even though that was the biggest cause of my depression it distracted my mind and to this day I stand by what he said. 

Did it cure my depression? Oh god no. However, it helped just a little bit. Unfortunately, people dealing with depression are the loudest and happiest person in the room. The person that somehow makes you burst into laughter or they could be very quiet chilling on there the whole time. I’m the loudest and happiest one. My best friend is the opposite she’s quiet and on her phone type of person. 

I do wonder how many times I typed the word depression in this blog post. More than my hand can count probably. I know some people are probably reading this blog post to seek some help or some advice and my answer to that is let me know when you find the answers. Depression sucks being sad sucks being quiet sucks. Everything just sucks. 

But some how we will get through it. Just keep going and get out of bed!