So I say it a lot on this blog but before blogging I wrote a book on Wattpad called rapper imagines for two years. Those two years were pretty difficult. It wasn’t a new book every five or ten chapters it was a whole new storyline every chapter. So in those two years of writing that book I had to write almost 200 different storylines. Which can be really hard because you start running out of ideas and then start to get stressed. 

That’s what happened to me. I started getting stressed and my depression kicked in pretty bad at times. But it wasn’t just the problem of thinking of new plots. I was getting frustrated that I was doing all this writing for people but I wasn’t getting anything in return, especially money. I started thinking to myself why am I writing. I’m not getting anything for it. This book is making me so damn stressed but why keep doing it and I was still in school.

Having to write chapters on a daily while in school was so hard for me. I was in drama I was tired. I hated school but I wanted to get all my work done. It was hard to do both at the same time.

But a part of me would not let go of the book. I just couldn’t. I had readers who loved my book that loved how I wrote so I couldn’t just stop suddenly. So for the last year of the book I struggled really hard. I took lots of breaks from the book and my posting schedule was horrible. I was supposed to post every Saturday but I would end up posting once a month.. My readers kept wondering why I was so messy but they didn’t understand that I was struggling so hard they thought everything was ok. 

But then May 20th came around and it was my final chapter that I was waiting so long for. The chapter that would stop all my stress. Stop all my worries. It would stop everything well almost.

Writing the last chapter took me two days and for the first time in a while since I started that book my own writing brought me to tears. I was crying so much I needed to stop and take a breather even though I was so happy to finally end it. A part of me was sad to see it end. 

So after finishing it I edited it and posted it and called it The Final Goodbye and then I went to the book settings and switched  the book to completed. I just stared at the button for a while thinking woah two years and I’m finally done.

I left it for the night and went to bed. The next morning I didn’t even check my phone till I got downstairs and I knew I would be awake to read and not have blurry eyes. So I sat down and started reading the comments to see what people were saying and they all made me cry. Then I realized something in the two years I wish I realized it sooner. 

That my book meant something to my readers. It wasn’t just a book where they said “Oh she posted whatever” no it wasn’t like that at all. My readers expected me to post every saturday not because they were selfish and didn’t care. But my readers were also going through tough times and they knew every saturday I would post they knew they could escape the tough times just for a couple minutes then they would have to go back into the real world.

I realized that my writing actually cheered lipeople up, it made them feel warm, it made them feel safe. Those comments made me realize that people really did love my book. They really cared for my writing and that they would miss my updates. After reading all the comments I just cried. Feeling so bad that people would not have a place to go anymore. But the comments also said they were happy that they understood that it was finally my time to get out of fanfics and write some proper stuff.

I wanted to start another book right after that. I wanted it so bad, But I stopped myself because I knew I would be in the same place in a couple weeks of stress and depression. Even though it was just a simple fanfic book it taught me alot it showed me that reading is the only escape people have from this cruel world. No matter what type of writing it is, it helps people.

I wish that in times of very bad stress and depression I would tell myself that people love my writing and one day I would see that. 

Knowing that I made peoples day makes me feel a little better about my writing.