(Due to this blog post making me more depressed the more I read it just ignore the spelling and grammer mistakes thank you)

I remember when I first got Sarah. The shelter named her I wanted to change it to Hazel but my dad said no keep it to Sarah so Hazel was her middle name. Anywho. At the time I had another dog named Dixie and he was reaching 16 years old. He didn’t do much anymore, but sleep and eat and lick my face or tried to. He was blind so he didn’t know what he was looking at. It was the summer just before my first year of high school and I really wanted a dog, Where I could throw a toy and they would actually go catch it or do anything at all and I wanted a dog of my own since Dixie was my moms dog. After going to a dozen shelters over and over again looking for a puppy I gave up. Till one day I saw on the website that new puppy’s were available. I didn’t go this time because I had been disappointed over and over again. So my dad went and I told him to get the boy name Oscar.

I didn’t hear much from my dad I waited and waited and I thought the same thing had happened again we missed out. Then he called me telling me to meet him at the park it clicked that he got a dog for me. I let out a couple embarrassing loud screams and rushed to the park with my very old dog. There she was a small little puppy sitting on the grass. She didn’t look much like Oscar. Oscar was black with a white stomach, This dog was a nice chocolate colour with a white stomach. But really I didn’t care it was a very cute puppy.

As the story goes from my dad point of view. He ended up arriving at a good time at the shelter. The shelter knew him because of how many times we had been there and let him choose first. When he went into the room they let the puppies out and my dad being an absolute sucker for dogs laid on the ground to their level to play with the. They were all hyper and insane and this one little dog didn’t like it that much. So she crawled under his arms hiding from her siblings and in that moment my dad had picked what was supposed to be my dog spoiler alert it became his.

This was the first time I actually had a puppy all the other dogs I grew up were already old and passed and Dixie he was my grandmother’s dog before my mom took care of him and by the time I began to actually remember my life he already had bad teeth bad eyes and wasn’t a puppy. So Sarah was a big change for me. She woke up during the night more times then I could count and I had to wake up super early to walk her. Then had to train her that the blue carpet is not green grass. Also learned how much energy a puppy has which is so much and I still have nightmares.

There’s one time when I made myself a can of Chef Boyardee and once it was ready I put it in a bowl and left it on the kitchen table to go do something. When I came back Sarah was on her two legs licking and eating the noodles. She also destroyed my pants and made it a rule for a long time I could not wear baggy pants because she thought it was a toy. Also had to watch out for my hair because she thought it was rope. I was having a wonderful time if you couldn’t tell.

I remember at one point of Sarah growing up along with Dixie where she walked past him or sat around him and I took in the difference of age, I saw one dog who was so new to earth while the other was very soon to leaving.
Dixie passed away sometime in high school. He was getting weaker as the years went one although we do say and we fully believe that Sarah brought life back into him keeping him around for 2 more years which made him 18. He sadly fell off the bed and ended up hurting himself as to what he hurt we don’t know but we realized he just wouldn’t heal this time around. So we euthanized him.

After that Sarah hated car rides, She used to love them but I guess seeing your brother going into a car and then never coming back changes a dog views. Its been so long I cant say how sad she was but she did miss him. We turned back into a one dog household until the summer 6 months later, when I was determined to have my own dog. I loved Sarah so much she was my baby but she didn’t give a shit if I was in the room as long as my dad was there.

So on Canada’s day a heat of the moment we drove two hours from our home to Amish country and I picked a runt of the litter. The ride home we had to choose a name because we didn’t want to confuse Sarah with all the name changes and my mom said “Keep it in the S family” which we have learned to NEVER do that again. But I listened and I called her Sage her middle name because I loved merlin so much Guinevere.

I don’t remember much of the two dogs meeting as it was almost 7 years ago now. But Sarah liked Sage, although they didn’t love each other and they knew not to piss each other off or more that Sage knew not to piss off Sarah. They had this thing where they would eat their dinner but not finish it and they would both leave their bowls and you looked back at them they were at each other’s bowls, licking the bowl clean. As to why we have no idea. This was also our first time having two girl dogs Sarah was our first and it was our first having a dog who got her period (Thank you vets for costing so much for a spay) They sniffed their butts a lot and gave kisses to each other when we weren’t looking. Outside in our backyard they ruined our grass with how much they ran around. It was a funny thing to see since both dogs had different play-fighting methods.

Time went on and Sarah got older. She was still playful and puppy like but she took more of the old grandma route who preferred a nice sleeping spot and snacks. A funny story now that I write this is. My dad usually went to bed earlier then my mom and me. So Sarah also would end up going to bed early while Sage stayed down with us. And one time we gave Sage a treat while Sarah was sleeping upstairs and because and I say this with all the love in my heart that Sarah was a fat fucking bitch when she heard the treat bag she came running. From that time one we lost the trust of Sarah so in her sleepiness she would stay down with us because she wouldn’t dare miss out on a treat again.

A bit ago Sarah started acting a bit weird. Her eating patterns were off which wasn’t unusual for her since she had bad habit of getting tummy aches from eating dirt outside. But it was something we noticed and she started drinking more water. We live in Canada where its been so cold for so very long and we thought it was because it was so dry in the house but we kept an eye.
We kept an eye till we noticed the fat dog (She was all muscle I can call her fat but all muscle she could knock you over with her ass) we noticed that she had a dent in her hips her big butt was now small. She lost a concerning amount of weight quickly and the water intake was now bad so on a Friday I booked the same day vet.

The vet checked her out and was amazed at how great her heart was for almost ten years old and her lungs and how overall great she looked. She was stumped on this dog drinking so much water and not eating considering a lot of illnesses are drinking lots of water and eating a lot of food. We felt better after that vet as we waited blood work the following Monday.

When we got home from the vet Sarah drank water in which she threw it all up and that happened a couple times that night and we thought it was all the anxiety of being in the car and going to the vet, As Saturday came she was somehow getting weaker and every time she burped water would come out. And she didn’t want to eat anymore not even ground beef nothing not until I gave her some chicken.

I remember Sarah lying on the ground resting and Sage walked past her and it brought back flashbacks of Dixie and Sarah it was the same cycle the same thing. One dog who’s life had much to live while the other was soon to leave. We had hope though since the vet was optimistic. We just needed that blood work back to fix whatever was wrong.
Sunday came and when my mom and I came downstairs we found out Sarah had puked up 5 times in the morning due to the fact she was drinking so much water. But it was morning and it made sense she didn’t really drink through the night but we decided to keep an eye making sure she drank her water slow and spacing her out to give her stomach a rest. But it didn’t stop she kept puking. We finally we had measure how much water she drank at a time which seemed to help but still she was throwing up and now not eating a thing. I called emergency vets doing tests to make sure she wasn’t dehydrated which she wasn’t.

Monday morning I rushed a call to the vet telling them we needed to come in. Thankfully, they had a spot in the morning and the blood work results. Sarah couldn’t walk anymore and she looked ill. I thought the vet would probably keep her for the day get her on some IV and the meds to fix whatever and she could be ok.

When we got to the vet we went into the room where my dad placed Sarah on the ground where she began to dry heave and then puke up blood. That was new. While we waited she puked more blood till the vet came. They checked her out again. All of a sudden she had a heart murmur which she never had before. Her heart rate was high and she didn’t look all that good.

While she laid limp on the table the vet read through her blood work.
She was now a diabetic for dogs their sugar should be from 3 to 6 hers was at 32. She was in diabetic shock.
Her kidneys were failing and failing bad,
She had something going on with pancreatitis
She had a uti since animals and people who have diabetes are prone to infection.

Sarah puked more blood and more blood.
There was two options first was hospitalization while the other was euthanize. While the doctor got estimated my dad and I cried in the room while Sarah puked blood again.

The issue with her being at the hospital was that her body was so bad it wasn’t even the diabetes at this point it was the kidneys that were killing her, The outcome looked bad and her battle if she came out was worse.

While I cleaned up yet another bloody puke I had to think what was best. Sarah was now skin and bones and the difference form only two days was insane. So we decided to make the call to euthanize. I will never know if it was the right call or maybe we could had given it a shot at the hospital. But a dog puking blood is definitely a sign. The worst part was I had to the sign the forms for her death. It was all me.

I had to leave the vet to come get my mom since she didn’t come to the vet with us and I brought our dog Sage to see Sarah and once it would happen for Sage to know what happen to Sarah by showing her body. We hugged we cried we told all the stories. When Sarah died her eyes remained opened which may sound creepy but it was like she was just awake on her usually rest looking ahead watching us.

Its amazing to think how fast life has gone. When she was only just a little puppy I could carry in my arms to the dog who stole my spot and would not move even for me. The same dog who would reach onto the table to try to grab my food. The same table with the same goodbyes as Dixie. It was harder this time I think because I actually raised her.

Her bowl now sits empty in the kitchen, Two water bowls filled with water. Her dog bed on my couch with the cushion she laid on head on. Her leash next to sages leash. Her spot at the window. Her spot in the closet when she wanted to get away from everyone. The spot next to my seat and my dads seat where she begged for food. The look she gave whoever let her in because she had to know who was opening the door before she came in I don’t know why. My spot in the morning remains empty. Usually she would laying there waiting for me to come down where I would give her a hug and annoying kisses before making my breakfast. She no longer comes into my room and digs through my trash. Shes no longer slamming the door open when she runs into a room. Whenever I buy mealworms for my geckos I always see if I can score some dog toys on sale since my dogs are always prone to destroying them within five minutes, This time around I bought only one toy.

I dont know why I am writing this blog post. I dont know the point of it, What the advice is or the story in it. But I do know I miss her very much and as much as she was my dads dog she had my entire heart.

My dog died and I miss her.