The word growth means many things but in all those things they are the same. Sorta. Growth can be a child growing from 3 feet tall to six feet tall and their grandparents always wondering how they got to be that tall. There is also the growth of a skill like crocheting or writing or a dream job like a lawyer. Then you have the growth of the mind. You go from being that high school kid mind to getting older and your mind relaxing how stupid some things were. 

Now out of all people maybe I shouldn’t be writing this yet since I’m only 19 well 20 in April. I am still very young and I still have my depressed and struggling 20s to reach over but I kept thinking about this idea and I thought I would write about it because if I don’t write it now I will without a doubt forget about it and will forever be mad at myself but then I will forget about it because my mind is a mess. 

As I was saying. There are different types of growth and what I learned so far is that with every growth comes pain and a lot of it. You have the growing pains as a child. You have the pain of having to re-read everything a hundred times trying to grow your skill and the pain of losing people and working towards the life you want. All different but have aching pain. 

I think what’s most funny or strange about growth is that you never notice it in yourself for a while. For months on end or maybe even years. You grow and you learn meet new people have new experiences and do new things and I fully believe if you meet the right group of friends or even just a person who is also having that mindset to growing and achieve it helps just a little because you know there are going through a lot too. 

Then one day as the quote goes. The universe will give you a challenge from something that was in the past and that challenge will show you how much you have changed and how much things around you changed and how you react is most important. Now of course I made it a little longer and also added from what other people added to that quote but I do believe that. One day you will see yourself and your growth and realize how much you have changed as a person. 

Now besides all the negative stuff. Growth is also fun because you learn about yourself you maybe even love yourself just a little bit more. Like I said you do new things, meet new people and have new experiences and maybe even try new food. Growth is kinda fun when you are not in pain and questioning what’s going on in life. 

Now like I said I am only 19 years old and I have gone through some really bad stuff and I have gone through some really good things. Like bad parts are high school drama, stress, mental illness, toxic people and just life really. Parts of my life aren’t pretty and they are messy and it’s the time where you think to yourself.. “Why” or “what were you thinking”. To answer those questions it’s an “I don’t know”. The thing I can say about the bad stuff before growth is I learned a lot and I mean a lot about people and even about myself and as a person I also needed a change but all those bad things were a lesson in a sense but the one thing I will say is that Trauma or bad stuff or bad people whatever that may be in your life it doesn’t make your stronger if it gives you trauma and trust issues. 

The good thing about all of this is I have grown so much as a person and I have learned about what I need in life and the people I need in my life. I learned that I can truly wear any type of dress even though I have a little bit of a stomach now will I wear one or stick to track pants probably track pants but that’s not the point aha. Growing or Growth whatever you may call it is good and people always grow no matter how old you are you grow and you learn and you figure it out. 

At the end without sugar-coating growth. Growth is fucking hard and you will cry and you will be heartbroken. You will lose a lot of people and you will lose yourself and you will wonder what went wrong but at the end even the end of that one part you will realize that some people no longer deserve a spot in your life and you have to lose something in order to find it again and when things go wrong it can be fixed. Most of the time anyways.  Growth is a damn mess that in the middle of it does not need cleaning. But when it does get cleaned up it is indeed a wonderful thing and when you look back in the past on how you were treated by people and how you reacted or behaved in a sense you will see how much you have grown. 

That is growth.