We all have some sort of To Do list.
Sometimes the lists are longer than others and sometimes they are short and maybe only have one thing which really wouldn’t be a list just a thing you have to do. These lists can be for school, work or for cleaning your house. God knows my room is a never ending pile of mess. My laundry always stacks and dog hair is always on the carpet. Shedding season is the worst.
When I make to-do lists it’s a little bit of everything. Laundry, writing, cleaning gecko tanks and so on. Those are pretty easy and simple to do but for some reason, I always add more to the list. I talked about it before in another blog about how I never get enough done when I actually do get a lot done. My brain thinks I did not do enough and that I should have worked harder and when I don’t then depression and my overthinking come into play.
Every morning I write what I have to do and nowadays I work at home which means half of my to-do list is me writing what I have to schedule and post and research along with all my house to-do list like the stuff I said above. That sounds like enough right lot of stuff and I get it all done. But then the next day there’s another very long list sometimes the same things sometimes totally different.
I started making myself even busier to a point where I didn’t want to do my hobbies because even though it’s a hobby and I wanted to do it it was another thing on my to-do list. I love studying the history of witchcraft. I mean it’s just amazing sad history. It’s one of those histories that kinda makes you think. What the fuck…. But sooner or later it was just added to my list.
Some days are really bad. I just keep stacking on stacking and I mean that’s life right we have to take care of things in order to live and well survive but when a list keeps growing and things keep getting added that’s all you do and you always think about it and always stress about it.
The mind holds itself to this high standard and it likes to compete or level out with other people in a sense. The mind compares how well they are doing and how much hard work they do to get where they are. The lists get longer and the mind gets busier because we want to reach that level of hard work and how good they are doing even if it’s home cleaning or doing laundry.
When I looked back at the week of work I see how the lists from long to short. Mondays and Tuesdays were the busiest. Wednesday turned into a half list and by Thursday Friday I tried to remember all the things that needed to go on the list but only ended up being three things. Instead of spacing everything out and making everything even I pushed it all to two days. So when I had time to do the hobbies Thursday and Friday I didn’t want to because I had burnt myself out. I gave myself no break no ease of mind it was just work all the time. Each week it repeats I don’t know why but it does and oh lord is it annoying.
The world tells us we have to work and work and well work but what they don’t is that you also need a damn break because in order to have good work you need a good rest. I am only 20 and I am exhausted.
